Conspiracy Report: The Real Yuuzhan Vong Advance Scouts

April 27, 2012 at 11:17 am | Posted in Conspiracy Report, Regular Feature, Speculation, Star Wars | Leave a comment

Okay, so things were pretty chill in the galaxy until the pesky Rebel Alliance started causing problems.  Then Luke Skywalker shows up and things rapidly went down the tubes — literally.  Yeah, the Alliance had to retake Coruscant and clean up a few War Lords and Moffs issues, but in no time they were a new sheriff in town.  And that’s when things really went to hell in a handbasket.  It’s been nothing but galactic threats and wars since Palpatine went down the shaft and the Sith (very temporarily) got wiped out.  Of course, Grand Admiral Thrawn tried to help out with whipping the New Republic into shape to meet any and all threats on the horizon.  Unfortunately, neither the NR nor the Noghri got that memo and Thrawn was dispatched to that great Art Gallery in the Sky.

One of the things Thrawn tried to whip the New Republic into shape for (or so the retcon goes) was the biggest, baddest threat to come down the space lanes in a very long time — the Yuuzhan Vong.  And make no mistake, they were bad.  Also slightly crazy (blame their religion).  Basically they declared jihad on the GFFA, and it was Katy, bar the door after that.  Thrawn was pretty aware of just how bad the Vong were, because even grand admirals can have limits to their megalomania.  While his strategy was sound (start another war!), his intel wasn’t.  Little did Thrawn realize who the Yuuzhan Vong had sent into the galaxy as advance scouts.  Thrawn was giving away his best tactics to the very enemy he wanted to see defeated.  That’s right, Wedge Antilles was an advance scout for the Yuuzhan Vong.  And Rogue Squadron and the all the Wraiths.

Think about it: who was instrumental in overthrowing a serious threat like the Empire?  Wedge, Rogue Squadron and the Wraiths.  And why, you ask, would they want to overthrow the Empire?  Well, because that messy Republic would be so much easier to defeat (okay, they weren’t but that’s besides the point).  So they didn’t warn the Warmaster or the Supreme Overlord about the Jedi (they blamed that on Nom Anor, btw), but you know what Wedge is always saying:  that he’s better than a Jedi because he can do what they do without their magical powers.  Where do you think that ego came from?  Yeah, being a Yuuzhan Vong warrior in disguise.  Didn’t see the Jedi as a threat.

While our supporting evidence might be pretty thin, we’re holding onto our trump card: Invasion’s next comic arc. Tom Taylor has come up with some crazy stuff for the Invasion series. (Spoiler warning for those who haven’t read it) He’s had the main characters’ mother reveal herself to be Yuuzhan Vong in disguise, the trusting Jedi master turned out to be a lunatic Sith, and both Finn and Kaye have a strange biological issue going on that might reveal them to be half Vong or something worse. So what could Tom Taylor possibly do to up the ante?

Keep in mind Tom doesn’t just like to throw in bizarre, mind shattering surprises. He also likes to play with the established characters. He’s used Boba Fett and Jango in the Blood Ties series, and he’ll be using Darth Maul in the upcoming Death Sentence mini-series. He’s done Luke, Han, and the Solo kids. Oddly, he hasn’t touched the Rogues or Wraiths yet.

Like all good conspiracists, we know how to spot what’s wrong in a picture by focusing on what’s absent. Wedge Antilles strange absence can only mean one thing: he’s going to be in the fourth arc of Invasion. But bringing out the big guns isn’t enough, we all know Tom Taylor is going to do something to raise the stakes. We here at Roqoo Depot have it on good authority (a Jawa from Mos Eisley heard a Ranat mention to a Weequay that Tom was definitely overheard saying words that vaguely sounded like Wedge and Vong…but could possibly have been hedge and song. We’re pretty sure no one uses those two words in a sentence together though) that Wedge will not only appear in the fourth arc, but he will be revealed as a Yuuhan Vong advance scout working for the New Republic and struggling to find his sense of loyalty. Yet Wedge isn’t alone, and he must convince the rest of his squadrons to stick with him and fight against their own people…the Yuuzhan Vong.

Posted By: Synlah and Skuldren for Roqoo Depot.