Roqoo Depot Canon Scale

April 23, 2012 at 11:27 am | Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

We here at Roqoo Depot have come to the conclusion that the current canon ratings system just isn’t cutting it. While it certainly defines levels of canonicity, it leaves much to be desired. Personally we don’t mind the official canon rating system because we’re extremely laid back and we actually realize that we are talking about an entirely fictional universe here. But to better serve our readership, we’ve designed something the fandom has been crying for: a more personalized canon list. Also because we’ve seen one too many posts that contain the words, “my personal canon” and we’re tired of seeing that. So here is the Roqoo Depot canon ratings system which should make any fan a happy camper — although we know the fandom well so we’re not quite that delusional in our expectations.

B canon (bliss)
Automatic designation for any and all Matt Stover works.  Tim Zahn frequently achieves B canon.
Honorable mentions: Paul Kemp, Aaron Allston, Troy Denning and a bunch of others (book/comic/TCW episode, movie scene specific).

C canon (clone)
Like a lot of the other works that have come before it, this particular entry doesn’t raise the bar or drop the ball. It’s just another clone in the army. But hey, what’s an army without clones.

F canon (froth)
When a book/comic/episode/scene causes fans to froth at the mouth due to bizarre characterizations, canon bulldozing or ridiculous story plots.

M canon (Mary Sue)
When an author totally loses his/her head due to being given the opportunity to write their favorite canon character.  Mary Sue/Gary Stu self-insert results to the dismay/hilarity of the fandom.

S canon (snore)
Any Star Wars book (comic, whatever) that puts you to sleep while reading it. Not to be confused with…

T canon (throw)
Causes you to throw the book at the wall or punch the TV screen (may also include ripping DVD out of player and stomping on it).  T canon is one step above F canon in severity of offense.

TP canon (tissue paper)
At first glance, you might think TP canon is a bad thing but it’s actually a misnomer. In this case TP canon is used when a book (comic, yada yada) causes you, for lack of a better term, to make a doody in your pants, requiring clean up. This is generally caused by something so cool you can’t contain yourself, but can also be caused by erotic Twi’lek images or intimate encounters with Zeltrons.  Any book (etc) that contains a minimum of three TP canon occurrences will be elevated to B (bliss) canon.

TR canon (troll)
Something that should never, ever be considered canon — no matter who wrote it or how many fans think Karen Traviss the author is the cat’s pajamas*.

*To clarify, a book like Sacrifice does not qualify as Troll canon as it is superseded by Throw canon.  A book like 501st: An Imperial Commando Novel, however, does qualify as Troll canon. To add to the confusion, Hard Contact is somewhere on the borderline between TP canon and Bliss canon.

Posted by Synlah and Skuldren for Roqoo Depot